If I had $1 for everytime I heard a graduate student feeling guilty or regretting a past event, I’d be a multimillionaire by now. It seems that guilt (as in "I should be doing this, but I’m not" or "I want to do this, but I really should be doing that") and regret ("I should have done this, I should have done that…") are (unfortunately) all too common within the dissertation experience.
Aside from the fact that I believe guilt and regret are kind of useless emotions- especially if you’ve already learned your lesson or changed your ways as a result of feeling them. After you’ve made a behavioral change, why keep holding onto the guilt or regret that got you there in the first place? (I tend to believe that we all have certain lessons to ‘learn’ and once we’ve learned them, we don’t need to feel badly anymore.)
Ok. So it’s 2007. You’re not done your dissertation (yet). In hindsight, you see multiple places where you might have finished by now. You see many opportunities not taken, and the road you chose may not have been the best one, according to the 20/20 clarity of hindsight.
Alright. So all that might be true. One question: Who cares?
Why burden yourself with old feelings or old "shoulds" or old "I should haves…"?? You can’t change the past.
You can only change the present- and the future, and both of those only in small bits, anyway.
It doesn’t matter about what you’ve done or didn’t do. What matters is the choice you make, right now.
Rather than being overcome by guilt, worry, or regret, take an action- any action- just as long as it makes you feel better. Overcome analysis paralysis, and do what you say you want to do. Whether it’s finishing the dissertation or something else, stop carrying around all the baggage.
You’ll travel lighter, and feel better too.
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A few updates:
It’s been fun connecting with you in the forums. Great advice is being shared. If you haven’t visited yet, check it out: http://www.CompleteYourDissertation.com/forum
Tomorrow is the final day to qualify for the reduced membership rate on my dissertation coaching membership. If you sign up by tomorrow, you can attend Wednesday’s teleseminar on "Writing and Structuring the Dissertation" for no additional charge. I’ve been getting some questions about the membership, and wanted to answer the two most pressing ones here:
1) Yes, the payment page is secure. You enter your details in the first two screens and then your payment information is redirected through a secure gateway to keep your details safe. I know this is important, and the system I use is security encrypted.
2) It seems everyone wants to know how to cancel- it’s easy and simple. (Not that I want you to cancel, but it should help you feel better knowing it’s easy to do. Just email my support team [supportATcompleteyourdissertation.com] and they will take care of it for you- easy and painlessly.
I do hope, though, that you’ll only sign up if you’re willing to give the material and resources a fair try. Don’t sign up otherwise- the materials won’t help you if you don’t plan to use them. If you want to learn more:
http://www.CompleteYourDissertation.com/blog/membership
Ok- so I think that’s it for the updates right now. Drop the guilt and regret, take a new action. See you again soon.
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